title of the story: Shi I love you & I'm
Fandom: Death Note (FS , r Fools)
name
botched start: My name is Yagami Kuraiko. I am 14 years old and hate evil. In short, I hate humanity. And like, well, I like much, very much so.
The boring Plot: A Sue, who considers himself intelligent hyper-which, however, turns out to be wrong, finds a Death Note. She decides to kill people because they hold hates evil. Finally she gets to know L, falls in love with her.
The anti-quality of the characters: The Sue is stupid and annoying, they would have drowned after the prologue. I have carefully Toast baptized.
your best friend is like a cardboard cutout stands around and looks stupid.
L is completely OOC.
What's so bad:
-The dialogues / texts / ideas are just plain hollow.
-We're in a Japanese-girly version of Hamburg.
-The characters have no depth and really not even an approach of character.
-case L is one of the worst rape of a Canon character ever
-All is a single logic-hole
And ultimately was just the Originalplot taken and rewritten on Bravo-level
What is ok.: ;
+ RS / GR is ok
+ the thing is 4 chapters + prologue and epilogue long
+ has no non-L Canon figure raped
Prolog
My name is Yagami Kuraiko. I am 14 years old and hate evil. Aha, so it hates evil. I could now start a long and wide discussion about what exactly are good and evil and good and evil whether it exists at all, but I do not fit in this fanfiction.
So good, so Sue is 14 and finds the evil unknorke. Next in text:
short, I hate humanity. I suspect hr it. Characters well-planned, logical motivation and intelligent plot, as one is accustomed from Death Note, one is in this Badfic ... certainly not related.
like And, well, I like much, very much so. my hamster, my doll collection, my pink dress, but school is full of stupid
you want but know for sure why I have called my parents Kuraiko. I speak for everyone when I say: NO
We learn that Kuraiko probably as much as a child of the darkness is. As someone has probably tried the Google translator.
Yes I give my children actually even such positive names like Jack the Ripper, Lucifer and Edward.
Sue says a bit about yourself: it's totally popular, cheerful and open-minded and hyper-intelligent. Well has modestly she did not do so, but ultimately it is a Sue.
Just my view of humanity, I'd rather keep to myself. It's probably better for everyone. So, and if this fanfiction would end with this sentence, everything would be no problem. But, unfortunately, is broken with this maxim, and we now have the salad.
My greatest dream is to wipe out humanity. How stupid must one be not to understand that the world is destroyed? And that only through the people! More dreams I did not actually see, except still my great love, but if all boy so infantile, I will not find anyone. Yes, two great dreams that they will meet in this order: first annihilate mankind and then find true love.
Suechen has now so in love and found Death Note. Where the relationship reveals itself not me. Unless she is hot for her Shinigami, of course, in such a splendid fellow .
My fate with the Death Note. Let it I tell you from the start ...
I sense bad ...
first Chapter
Like every day I went to school and how every day I went along my way to school. When she goes to school, it is only logical that she goes to school, or creep along her possibly through the sewers?
Search finds a notebook. What is now an old story. She picks it up and Shinigami.
"Hello! So, now owns the Death Note you. Congratulations. My name is Akito, and I'm a Shinigami. I heard this death note actually, but you have now touched. And now to pass: I tell you now all about the Death Note. "I was approached by a monster-like thing. I just looked at him stupid and looked him in doing so. I would again face up when appeals to me one of these creatures, though it before 100% has not stood in front of me and told me such things, then I would stand there and look stupid?
I long just painful back Light. Has at least given a clever anti-hero. But no, now we are beating us around with this failure that has as much charisma as a shelf.
We describe the Shinigami, what to leave out as well. He is ugly (POINT) I will nothing of any body parts pierced know. HELP!
"Shinigami ... Does not God of Death? Akito And I think it was ... little devil, right? So now given the author with some Japanese vocabulary. Beautiful. Obviously, they dominated but not very many, as explained, otherwise, the more unimaginative than name? Brett! Sue ignore the stupidity of the story and gives it to her pseudo-knowledge. Interesting what the kids today call intelligent.
And if so, what does a death god from me? And what do you mean by Death Note? But not about this notebook? And why should Death note directory name? Are you somehow a guy who wants to piss out of me? "I asked with raised eyebrow. reply to
Instead, the Shinigami erklät us the function of the Death Note and that word. For. Word. taken from Anime / Manga. Great.
to accelerate the already thin plot And yet:
, people are so funny. Whom do you bring because at first? "
" That you can does not care. "Returned I was stubborn and direction of school.
"Hey! Wait! Do not be so bitchy! You humans are now times so funny. "he was chatting away without hesitation and I rolled my eyes. As Shinigami I would very professionally my 2nd Death Note whip out and bring the brat around the corner. I'll take the comparison back shelf. It reminds me of soggy toast.
While walking I replied: "If anyone will notice that I'm talking to an imaginary person think of me all crazy. And I will not. I'm not crazy. Never. Unless you're just a figment of my imagination. But I hope not, because otherwise I will go to a psychiatrist and get into the padded cell. This in turn is bad, because then my life plan totally confused. Although if I'm in a padded cell for the rest of my life, I need not a life plan more ...
Need I say anything about it? We see here an attempt at a (now) 15 year old with an intelligent, interesting and funny character to create, Light and L can reach the water.
The actual result is a Sue, I want to drown instantly.
I nodded in agreement and wank it to my girlfriend Alice. Alice was a classic beauty: tall, blond, blue-eyed and a child's face, which did not fit her womanly body. I guess Alice is also 14 What does the provider have a "womanly" body? Either the girl is flat as a board or just fat and both I would not really be called "womanly". But sweet as the little ones are already one of the women do not count?
"Hello Alice! How are you? "I called over to her and ran. Just before I was with her, I fell over my own feet and fell. Alice laughed and Akito too. I quickly got up again.
apology with a smile I said: "Hehe ... So how are you? "And it rubbed me the back of the head, not from pain, but just because. I knew it from movies. The sentence expresses the level of the whole story. Shame on you Badfic
you think of what you descended! L would turn in his grave.
"Hey! Citizens on me even better. "Grinned the person addressed me and we went on together. Akito was still laughing.
, whether well Shinigami can die laughing at? ", I asked my good ideas in themselves that is written to it. Otherwise, one could easily assume that she asks someone else in mind.
falls on us in the following that is the principle of this Badfic pathetic to try the original copy. Suechen to be a hollow version of Light and the stupid Shinigami reminiscent not so at Ryuk and Rem, has a culinary preference:
"I want to eat something! Please give me also from what ", he begged me to have almost. I gave my tomatoes because I liked the least.
"The rest belongs to me! It's my food. " certain I went to my desk and began to eat.
taste "These tomatoes fantastic. I want more! "Smacked of the god of death. But I ignored him. First, because I had no more tomatoes and secondly, because he could see that.
After I was finished with eating, I got me my death note from the school bag and turned the messages on my TV.
A presenter said: "Yesterday at 21:34 clock a young woman was raped and then shot. The murderer is known, it is Tim Garsten If you consider that the thing in all endeavors Japanese, that name ridiculous. Furthermore, when did they say in the news, the full name of a suspect? , but unfortunately he is not now to be found. The police is looking on. Now we come to three times ...."
guesses who kills the Olle now. True, the criminal who was just zuuuufällig in the news and by the zuuuuufällig the full name and a photo zuuuufällig were displayed and the zuuuufällig also 100%, it is clear that HE is the culprit and is not only named as a suspect.
, I am a Killer, but he deserves it and still have a lot more deserving of death.
This was so the entire confrontation with the moral aspect of the matter. Police to arrest them because of this stupid brat! Rather, I am
the high court and have ruled over him. Just because the court could not get him anyway. Because there are anyway all totally incompetent, except for the Sue.
Maybe I should let all die of heart attacks or in front of police buildings? But only violent, murderers, child molesters and rapists. Exactly! Yes, exactly! Arsonist Traffickers and drug dealers are fully knorke which can still live on.
Sue maintains a pseudo-heroic speech, unfortunately, are you listening to no one, because it is stupid. Then she thinks for a moment if she simply wants to bring all round the corner. Well, since then she thinks about it. First of all much more important: self-expression!
you all carve a sign, then everyone knows whose it is! At least then when I almost famous' bin. Hopefully not too boring. Yes, actually I'd be well thought if I plan a mass murder.
shame that my first murder is not yet recognized as my merit. Too bad, but there are enough people out there. I'm maybe an internship with the police. Then I could hack the PC or something. girl, you cann HARKEN the front yard, but that's it. Just because you bravo.de in the address bar, enter and can put the bookmarks, you have no idea of PCs.
sülzt you still around a bit and goes to bed. We almost have made the chapter, but the stupid next week is still to come.
Next Morning I woke before the alarm clock ringing on my doorbell rang and there was a little rum to the alarm.
"Good morning Kuraiko! Did you have beautiful nightmares? "Akito asked me chuckle. Annoyed, I threw him with a pillow, but success through it. I replied acidly: "I had no nightmares. Why should they? Just because I have killed a criminal?
Hah! This surely you believe it myself. It is fine for me.
The moral of this girls are really funny is not it? Why murder and manslaughter are stupid if others do, but full knorke when however it does or why everything and everyone is absolutely Evöl except them, so you do not sit apart here. I was once a small share in a philosophy lecture or just send the psychiatrist ...
The Sue now looks news:
"Last night was the wanted rapist and murderer, Tim Carsten, was found dead at a police station in Hamburg. The cause of death is still unknown, but we were told that it is too likely to organ failure, because there are no external injuries on ...", I did not hear, because I totally surprised, pleasantly surprised, was. We learn two things here: 1 We are located in Hamburg and the absurdity of the whole in conjunction with the Japanese-fuss I say anything now second Knowledge of medicine, despite its supposedly superior intelligence, not to Sue. Dear children, if you write a story and you want to bring something of which you have no idea, then researched and let it completely.
to organ failure, even multible organ failure, is little more than a cardiac arrest. Equal in Wikipedia list is so funny even understandable for children. Sounds funny but is-Sun
"It worked! The Death Note is not a figment of my imagination! Akito, I believe you all! This book I will cherish and kill every criminal in the world! criminals are happy. Or do you want to live in a world where so is a toast as hyper-intelligent?
It is unbelievable, "said I very pleased, laughing on my bed and jumped up and down.
So then follows a pointless drivel and Sue announced that it will take still some more around the corner. Since I only say yay
second Chapter
ran the next few weeks, except that I continue killing criminals, from uneventful. Until the evening. Since I first heard of me.
"Welcome to the special program, all of Shi '. Today we will tell them all about the mysterious series of murders. We hope that they report when they have information about Shi. Shi is the way death, as the author proudly proclaims in the content description. I would not now point to the huge black hole logic which follows from the fact that we are in Hamburg and suddenly in the news Japanese words are made or that it is completely illogical to make a special show, where we ask for information, when previously fallen still no word on TV to do so. For almost hear a great Suechen for the first time the fact that they have been noted. But, whatever. When I point would that Sue would tell me to write to her Death Note and I would die because of all the stupidity in this fanfiction. The police are looking for help, as they grope in the dark. What she openly admits, because nothing is more confidence-inspiring as one overburdened state power.
The police has even hired the best of all detectives in the hope he would finally solve this case, L. NOOOOOOOOOOOIN, finger away from L.
Never has he made a mistake. Yes apart from the fact that he has died but wayne. What the hell, so a small error could happen again and he has now learned from it.
never remained an unsolved case from him. I can tell you that is an interesting game for Shi.
Will he make it? viewed What are they doing? Screen TV?
we continue with the hearing on ...", the moderator about this , L to talk 'so I did not hear more.
also Why? After all, I am Shi. These three letters come in any body of my victim. She scratched herself just before her death. Aha, Sue has the obvious problems with their self-esteem. Who will have Light back and mourns the far more intelligent and comprehensible Originalplot screams now please "Click" HERE!
The Sue mentioned the eyes of trade, but not because they want to take him, but because cookie. She wants her super hyper intelligence just to prove, by mentioning the eyes trade.
It is already obvious that I have changed. Nope, you're stupid, arrogant and megalomaniacal as ever. What will be different? But I am only in my room. In public, I am as always. Who is it on? But in my room I'm different. Even my room looks different now. It is dark and not so cheerful and bright as ever. EVÖL Room of Doom, there are now stretching benches on the wall, hanging there dead bodies from the ceiling and the band sounded cries.
"You want games' play with the L? How sick you are actually in the brain? ... People are so funny. "He laughed [the Shinigami] .
"Yes, I do. Then I can set my wit, my intelligence and my ability to combine proven " Hm L has certainly been terrified. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSMtT5rQeQU&feature=related
"Wow. I had not even expected of you. "
[...]
After I could not concentrate to write me and again, I wrote more names into the Death Note, but with different time of death. Throughout this evening and all the next day. Meanwhile, I had fully written about 20 pages. How subtle here is the plot of Death Note is copied. Oh yes, Sue would I suggest to google subtle.
Then come back any comments that has seen every connoisseur of Death Note already somewhere. But if one's own plot is thin, then containing lard with as much of the original.
"Sure. And I'm curious how far that L comes. "
" Me too. "Grinned I sneaky. Tired I yawned and went to bed shortly thereafter. No, I did not cut that stands true.
So at the next morning the time Sue returned to school, others cut down with her charm and intelligence, or so ...
I saw these strange types for the first time. He did not look like a trendsetter, gangster or macho. More like a ... Let's say indescribable or indefinable.
with this assessment but it counteracts in which she describes him. Understanding of these
Sue.
raven black hair and black, expressionless eyes with light shade underneath. Not too skinny but not muscular; although he was not chubby. Somewhat gangly, perhaps. He definitely had a recognition value. Yes, Sue, in contrast to you.
I find interesting that L sneaks in a school. As a student of good will barely through and the teachers are well aware, also sees this guy not exactly inspire confidence. Also why shows L? In the original he does it only when he has no choice, but here he is doing it just so and how does he know that Sue goes to this school? ... Stop! I look for logic. How could I?
As someone copied the plot, without understanding it!
girlfriend Sue and write Now a test. Sue is the matter but because she is so hyper-intelligent. It employs different:
"Oh yes. Did I forget, but whatever. We can do it. "I tried half-heartedly cheer her. Half-hearted, because this boy or young man caught my attention. We stared at each other, so to speak. no surprise that Sue sees her stupidity probably at the nose tip.
toast and toast friend (we call them the circumstances, some buns) run over and talk to L and the types of L confusingly similar to, but otherwise nothing in common with him has.
"Hello. My name is Ryuuzaki. And as you say, "asked the young man, at least his voice accordingly, I had stared a few moments more.
, Speak of me? Or with whom? Alice ?!.... Now I'm confused. Moment ... why am I confused? Of course, says the two of us! Why else has he said it '? I'm so stupid. Sue celebrates self-knowledge, great, right?
Ls twin rolls and talk, because of Sue L's beauty is so bewitching that it nix I can tell. We are now clogged up with any Romace clichés.
[Sue] is already frozen again ... "Worried, she looked at me. Only now I noticed that I said nothing and that Ryuuzaki my view, if not perplexed replied. I immediately looked away and was invariably red.
"What's going on, Kuraiko san?" He asked innocently.
true. What is wrong with me? Normally I would say now is nothing, but with my current complexion is bad. I'm me not to crush this guy, or even love? And here you realize that the author of this thing itself is not particularly old, when she created it and contact with probably only about love and that Bravo had Romance anime. See Sue L (remember is THE L ) she speaks not a word with him, and yet it is immediately with skin and hair in love with him.
Sue gives us a taste of her much vaunted intellect and think of a red herring: they need to learn.
L has thus alone with bread rolls. What Suechen includes:
Probably he was interested in her. Not only probably safe even by 99%. For no one dared to address me, I either destructive or just looked annoyed and I fled. And on a date I never asked anyone, but why? I was rebuffed each and everyone knew. So, L is a seasoned man of 20, he neither asked nor Toast bread on a date, which are 14th Moreover, it is here to L.
"Hey Kurai-chan! You do not learn you can do that eh! Much more must I learn. Ryuuzaki and would like to meet with us. I have it completely forgot, it's L's twin.
He has a few questions about the recent murder case of our teachers. Aha, that's it so good with Suechens intentions. Simple times killing the teacher, or does the same, that he was Freddy Krueger himself anyway?
"Do you have something to do with the murder?" Ryuuzaki asked just like that. Because L has to do nothing, except in German schools are around, chat up children and they ask if they happened more than once are murderers. Because if 100 people were killed, it is only logical to start with the teacher ...
Suechen I slowly get the feeling you're stupid, that was not all well thought out.
"no. But I was thinking and ... care. ", with hand gestures, I gave him to understand that it was not that important. Nevertheless, he inquired.
"No, I still have nothing to do with it. Or do you think about this? "
" I do not know. But you find it. I am in effect a kind of assistant to L. "The simply reveals an identity. Please remember, as L has taken real and compares with this nonsense ... I have to say something?
rolls and toast have to come to class and two lines later already. Sue is so magic, she can Space-time continuum confusing.
"Hello. Are you with your test done already? "Asked Ryuuzaki and I had arrived with him. To answer, I nodded, and Alice told him the same a novel. Well hopefully this is not because the author referred to the thing as a "short novel".
Why could not I be like them? I had noticed that I put together this issue has only been the first with Ryuuzaki. So since five minutes.
Before I gave all my thoughts I was shaken by Alice on the shoulder.
"What is it? I was thinking on. " I went to them. are you agree? If you are thinking, then it is around, lowers all vital functions to a Minumum and gets nothing to with you around?
you must first shaken violently or even beaten in order to return back to life?
No? Well, otherwise I would guess that you live in a Badfic.
"Ryuuzaki has asked you what! Honestly. Be something more attentive. "
" And .... What?
"Do you have a guess who the culprit?", He repeated his question.
"could be added to 50% it each have been one of his students because he was not popular with them. And the other 50% I have no bearing. I had it before. Neither agency nor a school subject. What is with you "
" As I said: I've considered, but probably you're not. In any event, your way of speaking it. " Jjjja. Typical L. He sees a person, and before he gets to know them better, be more than 5 minutes, he already knows that it could be the murderer.
was also copied here, the plot again, but without rhyme or reason.
And I always thought about this anime / Manga to like you need a minimum of two.
"M-my ... Art? "I asked clearly thrown off track.
"Yes, your own way You are a very compassionate and kind person. of L-Empath, yes, totally fits him. All that standing around the Sue has done so far was watching and when the designated today as a kindness and sensitivity, I'm Mother Theresa.
have bet you a lot of friends. You do not look like a devious and unscrupulous person. "Totally confused about his opinion, which is even right for anyone staring I look at him. Alice giggled.
"I'll be right back." She said before she runs off easily. dress * Romantic music, scatter roses, candle light, replace the school hallway by a beach * So now it was about as subtle and also we are now ready for a romantic conversation.
, how can he say now as I already ticking? And why I am so confused? Maaan, I can not stand it any longer! I need candy. Buy it! Hmm ... I believe in my school bag still some. Whether I should run away now? Or should I play for him, I am opposed to Shi? How should I do? This is it! My behavior is currently best fits to a girl who has a crush. Then I play just before that. ',
Do I say something to Suechens plan? I think the paroiert by its mere existence.
"I need candy. It is my personal addiction. "I replied with a grin, and handed him a lollipop.
"Thanks." He smiled and accepted the Lolly.
"Please. I do not want to be rude, but where is Alice gone? "
"Probably just took off because you were not paying attention and you are not quite the atmosphere pleases."
"Why ...?"
" She believes that you have a crush on me. You could tell by their behavior and I must admit, their suspicion is not so implausible. I am sorry to disappoint you because I'm 19th Yes, No, is clear. L is at the top 24, then 25, as well has lost someone to less than 5 / 6 years. But who cares ... since the two at the end anyway and happy to be together, because it can be a 35th For the Badfic teaches us laws and provisions for the protection of minors are only decorative items from Wendy. us off is probably nothing. "
She is shocked that her, the wonderful, unique and hyper-intelligent Sue is a basket. So they buck around.
L, get your legs in your hand and run!
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