Alternative title: The Badfic oasis
The last part of the bad reviews and so would be my first multi-part slating ended: D
title of the story: When love plays a game
Fandom: Naruto
name of the criminal
botched start:
Sasuke was bored along the street. He was wearing a white shirt with a black tie and a dark blue trousers. Sasuke took a pretty big suitcase behind him. "Maaan, vo is this merely Baka?
Japanese they can, but German is not * headdesk *
The boring Plot:
Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru come to a boarding school and in the first week (where holiday) they are to pair with Hinata, Sakura and Ino.
The anti-quality the characters: The guys degenerate into macho / romantic and Ino is again the Bitch, as in so many BF's
unnerving flaws in the style:
- the characters are exaggerated
- this time they are even raped in part; _;
+ Paragraphs
+ vividly described
- this is
+ new speaking person gets beginning of the line
+, the author has assessed his story as P18 /
- it is wholly beside
- CAPSLOCK back
is - (stupid) Author comments in the text
The most typical RS / G error: holds Despite the harrowing initiation are all limited.
extract from the worst of the story:
No, this is so cruel to the fandom, I will not tell in advance = __ =
Chapter 9: Whether we will arrive alive? aka I hope not!
We make them fit for the 3rd Verrissteil a time warp of three months, and Sakura are still behaving like a timid maid, not knowing whether they will be together with Sasuke. Sasuke makes it crazy. Had always been so that women could turn him upside down * headdesk *
Ino / Shikamaru is chilled and Hinata / Naruto are simply connected without having to ask questions. And after this summary is the three months it matter now at full throttle!
Tsunade once had simply declared a class trip , without worrying about money, organization, or permit a head, and just the was imminent.
We recall that the boarding is in Konoha, Tsunade ergo would be the mayor of the city and high school principal. But no, that would not fit even in the story!
The night before, take the three pairs again and then go to their evening meeting place. A playground complete after 19 clock (boa I wrote quite often what? OO * headdesk * ² ) was empty. Meanwhile
it just 21 clock and they talked all the time about some stuff that really had no meaning.
I am over the stylistic means and the space-time understanding of the author never ceases to amaze ...
A little banter about class ride and room sharing. Sakura is now never mentioned, apparently it has now been excluded from the group.
versammtelten The next morning, all students in the tenth and eleventh class on the Schulgelende. These were Naruto, Sasuke, Shikamaru, Hinata, Sakura, Ino and Neji perhaps because other students were never mentioned in the previous eight (!) Chapters.
Sakura thinks still desperately to respond to and Sasuke have a way to simplify
the site, he already knew (as opposed to reader) because he was frequently with his family in this place.
We know that the class takes two weeks. Shortly before the Night Meeting Hinata had asked if they are already looking forward to next week . Sense? Headdesk!
Then finally came the buses, since they were more than 100 students with teachers they had to take two buses.
? Where are the now all?
Our brave group of course in the bus on the last pew, because they are so full and speciöl kuhl. And the author tells us in another stupid comment of who sits in the back where, after it has already been described once * facepalm *
And then comes an unexpected and violation of this certainly does not breach any applicable local laws twist:
"Tsunade is driving the bus "It came under the Uchiha Kreidebleichem face out of the mouth. "Oh no ... People hold you firmly, "he said to the other in the back row. "Why?" Asked Ino. "Because Tsunade goes" "What?" It escaped Shikamaru.
We have a) senseless repetitions and b) a vehicle propelled Badass-Teacher . This explains, at least the chapter heading. And so ends this chapter (finally).
Chapter 10: no injuries and a chance for Sasuke to abuse
The author admits one more time in the preface that he does not know how to go forward with his story at all and has received help . What came out? Read yourself:
They drove across the highway. And as they went. With exactly 315 h / km. The speedometer remained constant since Tsunade every bump in the road, every gust of wind and the wear of the tires and the engine with just the right amount of gas is compensated. For Sasuke it seemed so when she would take far more than 400. Finally he was able to capture in a moving inertial frame the speed of it. Even the otherwise Shikamaru always sleeps on the bus was wide awake. After the bus was stopped by the police, they drove just as fast as the maximum allowed. For Ninja in the country crossing the triple top speed will not be punished with immediate loss of license. And so they were safe in the "resort", as it was known by most of. Others called it the "Badfic oasis". Most had still recovering from the frenzy of its first director and ran into the bushes next which they could find, because as this was a health resort are very pleasant even bushes * headdesk * . Then the case got off the bus and the house rules were explained briefly. Students seeking their room key, as they had indeed been resolved beforehand who sleeps where and always works because there is no bullying in the boarding from.
Pupils can explore the forest, Sasuke shows the blonde this secret place where he was to be found in an emergency. You arrive and begin a spirited conversation. Naruto:
"where ~ w is really a quiet place. And as harmonious as everything is. "" Old ey 'll now not only a philosopher you can not eh! "" Jo! right. "And then he went back his old fox grin.
* headdesk! *
and sharp! Naruto guessed that Sasuke Sakura wants to invite here. How smart they are but = __ =
As Sasuke is alone again, he comes up with the great idea of his thoughts again [to] Order. [...] / He concentrated on his thoughts, and so the hours passed. / The thought must be there and then. Oh, and the thought of that! Hm, I have this idea twice, then I can throw one into the lake ... /
When the Uchiha heir opened his eyes once he realized it was already dark easy. "Crap I better hurry before it gets dark ...!" Too late! Sasuke made quickly in the direction of Mr. mountains. After a half hour, he was beaten just yet on the site of de
thinks with "prickly head" of the author hoped Mr mountains = __ =
The next morning, Tsunade had planned a hike. So they set out after breakfast on at once across and without orientation to wander through the forest. After a few meters already formed the first small group. Sakura ran forward with Shikamaru, Ino, Kiba and Sai. (What? But that's ... Come closer, ladies and gentlemen, you wonder about Badfics worse in the last pages once and all other characters are drawn unnecessarily through the mud!) you would first not have to think of Sasuke and enjoy the time with her friends. (Yeah sure, especially Kiba! And why I am afraid that this is a hidden Kiba / Sai running around?)
Sasuke moves at the end of classes and thought about how he is still the cherry blossom (* headdesk *) could persuade them to come dieaem lake.
Badfic Manual, Rule 32: All the more embarrassing the synonyms and stupider the better!
Then Sasuke has another ingenious idea:
/ Mist soon if I do not think what I do not know anymore ... /
The Order of thought so did not help. Bad luck!
Uuuuuund ... Plottwist! Kiba Sakura has molded and to-the-Rescue! Sasuke rushes to her.
was added slowly and Tsunade. "What happened here?
dachshunds over you also.
"I sit down here and fit on no one but me is ." Sasuke said, pointing to a stone lying on the shore. "Ok ... thank you. And do not stretch right? "" Who do you think about me? I'm not
Chapter 11: short break and a race! aka Why?
you are alone. Sakura makes Sasuke fresh and sits with his back to her. He can also monitor the largest part of the lake and see if someone else comes. Not.
After Sakura is finished, Sasuke turn. It follows the typical this sight could hardly believe the Haruno.
He asks her (very surprising) to reply and she remembers that she has indeed forgotten.
"Well I want you now to not force a reply so I suggest you of something!" Relieved, she looked at him, had to say nothing. Actually, they saw him not to. "If something is in me then come today evening as against 21 clock recover." The usually cold Uchiha the green-eyed smile warm. (OO w-who are you and what have you done to Sasuke? And what about the plot? ) "Thank you , author comment. I will think again about everything thoroughly. But I can not promise I will come today evening. "As she pronounced these words they came up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Sasuke was amazed at what she had just done. "The kiss was it that you have lent me your shirt." With a sincere smile was let go slowly. "What is? Will you leave me alone now wander through the forest? "" Uh, oh yes I'm sorry. " (That was a yes ...) The Pink-haired chuckled slightly and went on alone continue.
The others had already arrived on the mountain and they were exhausted ziehmlich up on Naruto. The fair-haired slob could do that all day. "All right people. We will now rest a little and then you will have the rest of the day free. As you come down alone again, is your problem "said Tsunade. "Jeah", it came from the tired students. After some time came Sasuke and Sakura on the mountain. As you
Basically, each of them is a clan heritage ...
And so were now all the guys at the imaginary starting line and waited for the starting signal. "Ready!" Rief
The so boarding students (Shippuuden level) seem to me back again developed at the primary level. When this heartless treatment of the characters was not enough, happened ES:
Suddenly a boy came with a spiral mask (oO) jumped from a bush. "F is for friends to do something! U is for us up and Tobi! N, for at last we have fun times! Very peaceful and friendly! F is, for pleasure in the flowers! U is for ukulele! N is for nose and Tobias Weis does with every damn! Peacefully and amicably, "
... Why? Just why? ;___;
As suddenly as the boy had appeared, he was gone again. blessing in disguise? "What warning 'for the one?" Asked Kiba who with the others again hoisted to his feet. "No plan could ...", Neji say. (I feel the same ... this incredible ... WTF)
The men's mountains could be seen and surprise to all the girls were already there. Moment. They were already there? How was that possible? plot holes? it went through their heads before they wake up in a moment but still the race ended. END
Chapter 12: Sudden Departure ... Endpart! aka Da was still something!
After my now could be the nature of the rape of the worst over, we can not forget that the story still has a so-called "plot", ie: A pair still has to be happy until the end of time. And the sake of completeness I will take this chapter also deals briefly.
The force is so back and Sasuke goes to the bathroom to freshen up. Naruto will not pure, and because it takes too long and pretty boy does not respond to Sasuke Naruto Requesting Admission:
. Ok now enough, "his voice was at once threatening. The blonde suddenly chaotic collected (!) Right chakra in his palm.
I find it very suddenly, that we in this story so far normal Ninja again! have chakra. Naruto would destroy his technique throughout the bathroom, so it keeps them from Shikamaru, with his shadow Jutsu (Canon, wohoo!). Then, this melodrama is already over: come out and hisses from Sasuke, while Naruto slips into the bathroom. Exciting!
~ ~ Later
The young Uchiha sat waiting on a rock by the lake. / Irgednwie I have a bad feeling about the matter .../, he thought and looked out into the lake. After a short time he heard a faint creaking behind her. He looked around and looked into the eyes of the little green Haruno. What Sasuke and Sakura exaggerated in time, remained uncertain.
You will come away closer and suddenly he felt
a hand on his chest. Sakura's hand. He had no idea how his hand got there, why Sakura is bleeding and screaming to the floor writhing and he had a huge knife in his hand.
Then they kiss ~ * ~ * romantic and are officially together. Plot done, leave!
~ next morning ~
"Come on, sleepy head! Wake up! Because of you we are going to be late, "said the Black-the blond chaotic ear. last I know where they come from all over the supporting characters, say 90 other students: The Blonde, the slob, the black-haired, the spike head, the cherry blossoms, the pink-haired, the black-eyed, green-eyed, the, the pineapple head daily organizer batting
Without an eyelid he pulled the sleeper (Another one!) the blanket fell away from the bed so that he. [Later at breakfast] "And what is for today?" Asked Naruto in his naive way. "What do I know Dope (ARRRRGHHH!) ? We must first hours running through the woods until we have explained what we actually do ... " (Even the characters now understand in what a situation they put ...) " Oh yes true ... " "It is really annoying ... because you can never set on it if you run long or not ...", Shikamaru suddenly bleated once stood behind the two. (Because we love it so much: NINJA)
Later Tsunade suddenly stood with a bullhorn in front of their table. "What they want to with the megaphone?" Asked Naruto. "You'll see." She replied only. Sasuke, Kiba and Shikamaru already knew, and stopped their ears. Because they were still far away from the others. "SO PEOPLE LISTEN CAREFULLY TO TIME! DUE TO AN ACCIDENT WE WILL LEAVE ALREADY! "Naruto got a great tinnitus and held in the meantime the ears. "Ah damn ... Why this happens only to me? "He complained. "Because you're an idiot!" Said Tsunade only help. "So schonmal packed your things, we are in two hours." Shortly thereafter, was an easy groans of the people to hear and then they went on to pack their bags.
... As I said ... Plot fulfilled, so stay * facepalm *
were the evening, the six friends , have not all of which 2.5 in the last four chapters really played a role, with their suitcases before school. "That and what we do now? home, youth clubs, arson? I my back as we are already in a week we have school again ...", said Sakura hugged their Uchiha.
But I thought they go two weeks and also makes it no ...
aarrghhh, my head ...
"Do wa go to the movies? First so for tonight? "Asked the blonde. All voted in supplying and first brought her things home. END!
No really, the chapter and the story ends with this sentence and is also marked as finished (
What we learn from this one should rightly put the main thread of the story and not all four chapters to start something new ~? _ ~
And I learn also from the fact that long for me bad reviews are not so suitable, because I have the biggest shock for a moment and do not ... * Estimated * 3 months later. Therefore, I will if, then operate in the future Oneshot, of which it guarantees enough with such a plot is-__-
PS: for some reason I do not get notified lj-cuts back-__-
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